Putting on a Show – Week Five: A Sneaky Peek

This week, rather than just babble on about the play, we thought we’d share a small chunk of it. Here is a bit of the latest draft, from the beginning of Act Two. Our characters are Caroline, who is waiting in Nando’s for her boyfriend to join her, and the waitress, Rubber. Our action begins with some mild language:

CAROLINE

Late again! Bloody late bloody again!

RUBBER

Can I get you another drink?

CAROLINE

Pint of gin please.

(Rubber looks taken aback)

Not really. Half.

RUBBER

Is something amiss, miss?

CAROLINE

Oh Rubber, call me Caroline. We’ve known each other long enough now. How long have we been coming here?

RUBBER (Too quickly)

11 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. Approximately.

CAROLINE (Looks a bit taken aback, but amused)

Yes. Something like that. Let’s call it a year. A year of living tediously. A year of bloody chicken, no offense, a year of… whatever.

RUBBER

But you always look so happy together. And you always look lovely…

CAROLINE

Yes, well. Looks can be deceiving.

Motioning to RUBBER

Oh, sit down with me, Rubber, for God’s sake, your hovering is driving me nuts. It’s a quiet night, take the weight off your feet. Help me with my gin.

RUBBER (Delighted and trying to suppress it)

Oh. Well, I suppose I could take a break.

Throws apron/shirt off stage dramatically, wearing beautiful dress underneath. Sits.

Well, isn’t this nice?

CAROLINE (Laughing)

Rubber, you’re a box of surprises. Or a bucket, a chicken bucket of surprises.

RUBBER

A nice surprise, I hope.

CAROLINE

Oh yes, a nice surprise. (Sighs) Not like Melvin. His surprises have become all too predictable. He’s a twat you can set your watch to.

RUBBER

Oh, he always seems so… well, I always thought he was… he tips well.

CAROLINE

He’s cheating on me Rubber.

RUBBER

What? No! How could he? How could anyone…

CAROLINE

Oh the usual way. He trips over, falls cock first into some tramp. Bastard.

RUBBER (Too loudly)

Bastard!

CAROLINE

I’ll drink to that!

She does.

Well, he hasn’t actually physically cheated on me. Hell, he hasn’t physically cheated with me for a while. No, it’s more cowardly than that. He’s having online… relations. Multiple.

RUBBER

How awful! Tell me more.

And she does, and then there’s a song. Next week, we will talk about the music. Honest.